The first is there in her eyes. Puzzlement. I've been worried about it, but a book I just read has made me think more positively about it...
The second is love - I may have mentioned that before - and the same book maybe didn't give it quite enough press, although it gives it some.
"Elizabeth is Missing" by Emma Healey.
Written from the point of view of a lovely 82 yr old lady, Maud, who has dementia, there's a clear sense of her intelligence running through the book. Maud is constantly trying to make sense of her increasingly baffling world - and even though she often joins the dots up incorrectly, she is working so hard to try and understand what's going on all the time. So - not a helpless puzzlement then - a determined effort to try and figure it all out.
So much rings true in the story but some does not. Maud is treated by almost everyone she knows and meets with mockery, impatience, condescension or embarrassment. Worst of all is Maud's experience visiting a church. So different for us. A week ago - an exhausting, despairing day - her so confused and muddled, me trying to get the possibility of a UTI taken seriously by her GP surgery. But someone in our church listened to God's prompt, and as she prepared a lasagne for her family, prepared another one for us! And then, for four glorious days, two other ladies in our church went on 24/7 standby for the Alert system and the wanderer door alarms, visited her, checked on her, and got her meals ready so that we could be away for a break. Our church has welcomed her, loved her, cared for her and cared for us through all this. And we know of strangers who have helped her, and her Homecare staff are so patient and kind, and the checkout staff at her local Superstore treat her consistently with concern and courtesy. I could go on! :)
Anyway - read it! It's a great book and gives great insights, and you'll recognise Maud - dementia and all - as a woman greatly to be admired. Then maybe like me, you'll look at someone you know with dementia, and admire them too.
